My husband of 12 years was recently deported. I’m beside myself and running our business alone. I work extremely long hours doing all his work and mine only to come home to an empty home, to eat alone, and to wake up alone. My friend is gone. The lawyers are telling me it could take up to 5 years to bring him home. I recently started going to counseling and l realized that cops are now triggers for me. I’m scared and angry at them. I tell myself that they are here to protect me however I’m struggling. I trust God through it all, I’m just very heartbroken and depressed. There are days that it is hard as I’m falling behind on designs and bids to our clients which is out of the norm for me. Then I feel shame because I’m not as efficient. I don’t understand why I don’t give myself grace to mourn the life I have lost.

I’m trying to keep it all together while trying to scale the business so that I can walk away from it and still have it work when I’m not there. Only this way will I be able to be with my husband even if it’s only for a small amount of the year.
I am very very lonely.