So, I have been struggling with depression my whole life. I was sexually abused as a child. Then when I was in the military I had an incident that happened to me. Now, my son who grew up with his father and is now an adult is not talking to me at all and I have no reason as to why? Did his dad fill him full of lies about me over the years? I wanted him to have a better life that his father was able to give him more than I could at the time. When I divorced him, I had no car, no place to stay, no money. During this time of year I always have a hard time anyway. I am filled with thoughts of suicide. Honestly, one of the main factors that keeps me here is the fear of what would happen to my cat. Sounds stupid I know but he’s got my heart. I have been through Veterans programs before and at first afterwards I feel better but then something will trigger me and I am right back to square one. This feeling is welling up inside and I can’t seem to shake it. I have a security clearance so I can’t really talk to anyone. So, I figured this would be a safe place and I could ask for some prayers for this feeling to go away! I know if I go through with it, it will put my salvation in jeopardy but this ruck is getting so heavy and I am so tired.