My ex and I. Now ex. When we started dating. It was very very bad. Very bad. And I forgave him for things and forgave me for things. Now. We both agree I didn’t hurt him in any way and if I did I was responsible enough to own up to it. But personally I don’t think I did anything compared to what he did to me. He gave me two months. Two months or pressuring me to make a decision. And it led me to contact my ex. Then that non relationship hurt me because all I felt was used. I went back to my now ex and was honest with him. I wasn’t going to hide it. Keep it from him. No. When we got into fights he would use that against me. He wouldn’t be patient with me. Wouldn’t try to understand. At times yes. But after the fact. After he apologized. I could see he changed in some aspects. But dealing with my mom’s sickness. She has cancer. Has brought so much negativity to my mind. It’s hard to trust him and when I try he says something so unusual. I try to understand him. But he just doesn’t know when to think. But through it all. I love him. I love him very much. And he’s the only person other than someone else I knew. Who remembers things about me. Who took the time to get me a laptop when mine broke down and I didn’t even ask for a laptop on Christmas. He just surprised me with it. We’ve been dating since February. But broke up. He broke up with me in mid December. So a month and a half of not being with him. To now being with him. He told me the other day he would break up with me and he tried. But I “begged”. I told him I made a vow with God to control my anger. To control my thoughts. I stood true to that. Yesterday I got bothered by his bad communication skills. He just left. He ended things. And I know I didn’t do anything wrong and if I did I was adult enough to take responsibility for the hurt I caused. But he didn’t care. I keep texting and he just doesn’t care. I feel so broken. I keep repeating mark 11:22-25. Over and over having faith that God will bring him back to me this week. I have faith. That this isn’t the end. I need him to understand. To truly understand what he did to me. The fact that I didn’t heal properly from what he did. The fact that he pressured me to making a decision when the month of Jan when we weren’t together my mom was getting worse. I’ve written my wrongs and I’ve owned up to things I did. But him leaving without a care. Idk if he truly loved me. I dropped him his clothes and I wrote a long letter. Come to find out his friends were in the place I used to park so maybe they knew. So I waited and there he is at my window. Handed me my jacket and said what do you wanna give me in such a non chalant tone. I gave him a bag and said this bag is and he grabbed it and closed my door. It almost felt like the feeling you get when you get betrayed. Plus the feeling of having your heart ripped open. Maybe he didn’t love me after all. Maybe he was using me. Maybe. Maybe. I’m hurt. I’m very hurt. I’m doing things for my new job and can’t for the life of me stop crying. People must think something is wrong. I knew when he got in that car after shutting my door. They just laughed. I know they did. I was the laughing stock of the night. For expressing my feelings. For stating the obvious. He wasn’t good at communication. Getting better. But there were flaws. And it led him to leave. So I guess what I’m asking. Is to let him and I have a long discussion. Face to face. About what happened. If and how it could be fixed. And if he loves me enough to do it. I love him. And love is a choice. I choose to love him despite. But I guess that’s the beauty in love. I don’t believe it’s it for us. I believe he’s someone I’m going to marry. Because we fought for each other so hard. But I don’t believe it’s due to the situation. I think there’s something he isn’t saying. So please. Pray. Help me. Help us. Help my heart.